What an idiot

The most entertaining thing I could find on TV while I ate my lunch was the stupid game show "Whammy," better known by its original name, "Press Your Luck." You know, the one where the goofy little whammys come by and take your money and everybody says, "No whammy, no whammy, big bucks, stop," or something of the sort.

Well, this guy hit the "Big Bank." When you do this, apparently, you get all the money in the big bank if you can answer a trivia question. This, for 7,000-some-odd dollars.

Q: Who was the first woman appointed to the United States Supreme Court?

A: Rehnquist? I don't know.

Yeah, WILLIAM Rehnquist was the first WOMAN appointed to the Supreme Court. What a dumbass. Then he hit two double whammys and lost the game. This only furthers my theory that, with the exception of "Jeopardy!", only the most intellectually devoid people are eligible to become game show contestants.

If I could answer that, I'd be rich

Solving the world's more perplexing trends:

Why do some people drive 20 mph under the speed limit on the highway?

To be continued ...

I have a sneaking suspicion...

... the outdoor cats in my neighborhood are coming up with a jailbreak plan to free Chile. There's this one gray and white cat — which I have named Miss Kitty, but Megan insists on calling Felix, despite the fact that I'm fairly certain it's a girl — that always comes around and teases Chile with its freedom. When Miss Kitty was chilling on our Halloween get-up on the porch, lying on top of the bale of straw right in front of the window for Chile to see, another neighborhood cat, Morris (we name them all), stops by to say hello. You can't hear them through the window, but you can see they're meowing at Chile. I think they're coming up with a scheme, and they must be stopped. Chile is an indoor cat. He ain't got no front claws nor reproductive capabilities. Leave him alone you rebel cats.

Instant karma's gonna get you ...

It slapped me right in the face. Apparently, the sports journalism gods didn't take it lightly that I made fun of M.Pet*e's little mistake, so they decided to get their revenge. I actually said in a story AND a headline that one team won, when the other actually won. That sucks. I'm sorry, Pet*e, Ba*r, et. al.

A little bit closer now

New record: the closest margin of victory in a football game I have covered this season has been lowered from 27 points to 24. The Vikes (4-3, 3-3 SEK, 0-1 District 1) got smoked 36-12 after leading 12-6 with less than six minutes left in the first half. They dropped two or three sure touchdown passes, prompting the coach to say afterwards, "All you've got to do is catch the f***ing ball, walk into the f***ing end zone, and you're a f***ing hero and you're getting pu**y tonight." Seriously, that's a real quote. He also said, "If we make that play down there, and we make this play right here, we're up twenty-f***ing-one to nothing, and they're packing up their tents." Oh yeah, he said that just as a little kid walked up to hand him the game ball. Watch your mouth, coach.

Hang on, ladybug

I drove 20 miles at 73 mph today with a ladybug clinging desperately to my windshield. When I hit the city limits and slowed to 40 mph, s/he started booking it down the windshield to more stable ground. Then, just as I was about to get out of the car at my house and meet this courageous bug, the little bastard flew away. I wanted to see if s/he talked like Denis Leary.

Post THAT on SJ.com

In case you haven't heard, the Missouri Tigers' defense ranks eighth nationally, allowing 259 POINTS per game, according to M*cha*l P*tre of the Associated Press. Oops. I hadn't noticed the dramatic and unprecedented spike in scoring this season in college football.

Tennis, anyone?

I've sort of been forced to become quite the tennis aficianado lately. Parsons, which has a pretty damn good tennis team, girls and boys, hosted the league meet and the regional meet on consecutive Mondays. Thanks to some ill-timed rain, I was at the tennis courts until 11 p.m. for both meets. Yeesh. Kind of funny to see the AD and all the coaches out on the wet courts with leaf blowers, though.

The beatings go on

Alas, another blowout football game. The Parsons Vikings got waxed 35-7 against the No. 1 team in the state. Therefore, the record for closest football game I've covered this season stands at 27 points. Should be a good one this week, though. Knock on wood.

I wish ...

... the assholes on SJ.com would take it easy on Mo. Jeez, it's not that big of a deal. And then, one I*n G**rin made a positive ID, when everyone else at least had the discretion to refer only generically to the "prep sports writer". Keep yo' head up, Mo. It'll be a'ight. BTW, thanks for the Nelly CDs!

... the Cubs would have made the playoffs.

... Missouri wouldn't have lost to Troy. Everything seems sort of pointless, now.

... a radio station in this area carried the Tigers games. Not even in Joplin? Seriously?

... I could write better tennis and volleyball gamers.

... HS kids weren't afraid of tape recorders. The only ones who aren't are dogshit quotes of the Arthur Johnson (pre-senior season) and Zach Ville variety.

... I didn't hate the Cardinals so I could actually enjoy pulling for them on Tom, Wags, et. al.'s behalf.

... the show "Listen Up," about Tony K., didn't suck.

... Monday Night Football started at 7 p.m. like it did that one year.

... my computer at work didn't crash at least once a day, usually within an hour of deadline.

... Parsons had Papa John's, Domino's, or some pizza place other than Pizza Hut. Uggh, so greasy. Makes my stomach hurt.

... I could think of something more original to post.

Enough with the blowouts ...

... and I ain't talkin' 'bout birthday candles.

Of the nine football games I've covered in the past five weeks (shitty JV games excluded), the narrowest margin of victory has been 27 points.

Here are the scores, thus far: 56-6, 35-7, 54-6, 54-6 (yup, twice), 69-0, 77-7, 70-14, 42-0, 48-21. Ugggh.

The worst part is, at the HS games you can't really start writing when the game gets out of hand, because you have to keep the stats 'til the bitter end. I could start writing at the Pitt State games, and sometimes I do, but I don't need to, because my deadline is about 42 hours after the game.

This week, Parsons beat Chanute 48-21, and Pitt State beat Washburn 70-14.

The Parsons-Chanute game, which you might have figured is the aforementioned 27-point game if you're quick with math, was actually a 41-point game until the final two minutes. Last week, Parsons won 11-6, but that was the one week Parsons traveled too far for me to follow, so I went to another area HS and watched the worst team in the league for a second time this season. The second result was 42-0 (the first was a 56-6 debacle vs. Parsons).