NCAA chaos theory

Sometimes sports need a little spicing up. When our teams suck (see: Missouri Tigers), we have to add a little seasoning, so to speak, to keep our interest.

For some people, the best recourse is gambling. They lay points, bet against spreads, play the parlays, etc., and the games are interesting again.

Maybe it's sadistic of me, but I stay piqued by cheering for people and systems that suck to suck to the point of their ultimate demise.

There's a point in each college football season at which no team I give two shits about has a shot at playing in the BCS "national championship" game, so I begin to root for a combination of results that will lead to the BCS' demise.

For example, as recently as two weeks ago, I was a big fan of Alabama, UCLA and Virginia Tech, in hopes of as many as four teams finishing the regular season undefeated. When that pipe dream passed me by with 'Bama's loss this weekend, I became a fan of every one-loss team in hopes that either SoCal or Texas (preferably SoCal) will join them in the ranks of the once-beaten, and BCS chaos will ensue.

As I kept one eye on the running box score for Missouri's season-opening basketball game against Sam Houston State on Monday — flashes of Winthrop, Centenary and Houston dancing in my head — I came to the realization it might be time to root for the Tigers' future, rather than their present. And speaking of the present, glancing at the box score brought to mind a line from the classic film "Major League" — Who're dese fuckin' guys? Leo Lyons, James Douglas? I never hearda halfa dese guys.

It's no secret Quin is in danger of being canned, or more likely lynched if he keeps losing home games to teams named not only after people but after people no one ever heard of — quick, what did Sam Houston do (and if his nickname was "The Raven," why not make your mascot the Ravens?)?

This is a scar on Missouri's NCAA Tournament resume that likely won't be removed without 20-plus wins or a Big 12 title, both of which are about as likely as my mid-October night's dream of as many as six undefeated college football teams.

No, this team will do well to post a winning record and earn another first-round NIT loss, but that won't be bad enough for me. Because that might be just good enough for Slimy Mike A. to keep his boy Quin hanging on for one more year. He'll point to the divorce, Kleiza's early departure and the team's youth as the culprits for this lackluster season, and he'll focus on the inevitable late regular-season charge toward mediocrity as evidence that Quin has them on the cusp of something great.

I don't think I can find it within myself to root against the Tigers, but if and when they suck, I'll be able to see the silver lining and know it's all for the best in the long run. And if things start to go badly, let's all hope they go badly enough to get both the snakes canned.